OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
