Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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