I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
