I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
