Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
