Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
