I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
