My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
