feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
