My room smells like vodka and shame
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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