I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
