Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
