I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
