come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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