and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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