i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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