she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
