I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i out mim tonsoeep
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