I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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