imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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