if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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