Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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