no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
