she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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