yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Boobs are out for the taking
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
