So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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