it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
