I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
