so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
