I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
