I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
