We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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