the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
