I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
sarcasm needs its own font
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
