Are we in a gay sports bar?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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