just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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