he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
