just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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