Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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