I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
