I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
