First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm passing your future prison.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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