His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
