oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
