That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
