i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
