i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
