apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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