i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
