I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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